Don't Give Up!

I've been struggling... I've been struggling a lot lately!  The last few weeks have been really rough for me.  Not just the diet and exercise, but really my whole life in general.  I just can't seem to get into the right mindset and because of that I've been really depressed.  I'm not surprised, this is the toughest time of the year for me.  The end of winter always seems to bring out the worst in me.  I actually moved from upstate New York to Virginia to escape the late winter, but this year mother nature is not cooperating.  By now I'm usually dusting off the golf clubs and planning my next yard project, but with a barren wasteland of snow still sitting in my backyard, I've got to wait a little longer this year.

Right now I'm just trying to hang on for a little longer, but this week has been especially rough.  My wife is in the same boat.  Our house is a mess and every single one of our kids has an illness.  My oldest has Strep Throat, my middle one has a bad cold, and my youngest is still recovering from being in the hospital for Lyme disease.  The parade of doctor visits, the lousy weather, and the fact that I'm in a funk has caused her to feel just about as good as I do.

To make matters worse, I'm in this 30 day challenge which is just adding more stress to my already busy life.  Now don't get me wrong, I'm still doing what I need to to lose the weight, I just don't feel good about it.  I thought this challenge would help me out of my funk, but it's only made it worse.

Yesterday morning I woke up and thought "why even bother to get out of bed".  I seriously considered calling in sick and spending the day laying in bed except to occasionally get up and smoke and feed my face.  Had I not had an important meeting, I probably would have done it, but instead I rolled out of bed and tried to get my day started.

Every one of by backslides has started in this same fashion.  The only difference is that this time I feel worse.  As I stood there staring into the bathroom mirror, I couldn't help but think this was the beginning of a major backslide for me.  I had it all played out in my head:

First I would lose the 30 day challenge handily causing me to fork over some serious cash.  That setback would cause me to give up on my diet and go on a weeklong eating binge (I'm going on vacation the week after the challenge is over).  After coming back and discovering a major weight gain, I would climb into a hole and stop doing all the things I like to do.  This would probably include giving up blogging because who wants to read a blog about weight loss when the author is gaining weight.  By summertime I would be back up to 300 pounds and wondering "How the hell did I end up back here?"

I must have stared into that mirror for about 5 minutes, when I finally said out loud "NO!".  No I will not backslide!  No I will not accept this as my destiny!  No I will not lose the 30 day challenge!  No I will not let this weather beat me down! NO I WILL NOT GIVE UP!

I went into the living room and got a piece of tape.  I grabbed a scrap of paper and a black felt tip pen and I scribed 3 words on it.  I took the paper and the tape and I attached the paper in the upper right corner of my mirror.  The 3 words were:

Don't Give Up!

Now I'm not going to fill you with a happy ending about how it sparked some great feeling inside me that instantly made me feel better and caused all my problems to go away while simultaneously melting 10 pounds of fat from my body.  But that little piece of paper did help me a little bit. 

I wish I could tell you that everything is fine now, but the truth is I'm still hanging on.  Since the paper, my mood has been slightly elevated.  I've stuck to my diet and exercise and I've accomplished more at work in the last 2 days than I probably have in the last 2 weeks.  My hope is that yesterday was my low point and that I've got better days ahead of me now.  Even mother nature is helping out, I saw a chance of 60 degree weather this weekend.

I'm leaving the paper there for now until I can get out of this funk.  It serves as a reminder of how on one day I stared at the option of just giving up and instead I chose to fight!

No matter how bad it is and no matter how badly you want to stop, the only advice I can offer at this time is DON'T GIVE UP!

Here's to better days ahead.  Good luck and stay strong.

n